It’s Friday again, and another weekend approaches.
Yippee. Huzzah. O frabjous day.
I think I don’t work tomorrow—at least, I’m not supposed to—so there probably won’t be any blog post then (which will be Saturday, unless some hitherto unimagined catastrophe literally throws the days of the week out of order).
I may be posting a new video on my YouTube channel this weekend, though. I haven’t made one yet, so there’s no guarantee that something won’t stop me from doing so. I’m unlikely to be lucky enough to be involved in an asteroid impact between now and tomorrow, but there’s a functionally limitless number of things that could, in principle, stop me from recording a video.
Nevertheless, it is my intention to make a video, so I probably will. This is a different type of thing than fasting; no physiological processes and neurological feedback loops are likely to interfere with my commitment to making a video. Evolution is, so far, utterly blind even to the existence of videos…though that could change.
I’m still not sure what topic I want to address in the video, unlike last time. I may literally just start my timer, start my video, start to talk, and see what happens. If that sounds like an inauspicious way to start a video, well, you’re reading the written equivalent of it right now. If you enjoy this, you’re proof that it can work. If you don’t enjoy it, that’s not proof that it cannot work, since your lack of enjoyment doesn’t preclude anyone else from enjoying it.
People do seem to have trouble understanding that others can like things that they themselves find disgusting. I can sympathize with that, and fall prey to the failing myself, but that doesn’t make it reasonable.
It’s true that all mammals, let alone all humans, have more in common than they have differences, but nevertheless, the potential differences just within a given species, given sexual recombination of genes and the sheer number of genes each individual has, is well worthy of the adjective “astronomical”, so we shouldn’t be surprised that others like things we find repugnant. In fact, given that the number of possible combinations of gene pairs in human DNA alone is vastly larger than the number of (for instance) light years the visible universe is across*, maybe we should switch our use of the terms “biological” and “astronomical” to describe very large numbers. Unfortunately, I think most people wouldn’t catch onto the nuance of saying that something was “biologically large”.
Oh, well. It was a brief dream, swiftly shattered by the one who dreamed it. Typical.
Anyway, so, I’m back on food again, more’s the pity. I’m tired of having all these biological urges and needs and drives. They’re very irritating.
Also, I’m tired of how stressed and angry I get about things people do at work. Don’t get me wrong—the specific things I’m thinking about are worthy of anger. But the problem is that I get so stressed, and so angry, and it just makes me hate myself more and more all the time, without any evident upper bound to the process.
I wish it were true to say, “I can’t stand it anymore”, but unfortunately, I’m able in principle to continue standing things for who knows how long. I wish I would just collapse into a heap, and literally, physically, not be able to go on. It would take so much out of my hands and would be such a relief. Unfortunately, there’s no clear sign of that happening, though I try to sabotage my own health as much as feasible without being Baker Acted.
And here is another maddening thing that just happened: the trains this morning, it turns out, were all shifted to one side of the track, as was the case last week once. But this wasn’t announced early, unlike last time, so I went to my usual spot to start writing this while waiting. Then, when the “announcement” was made, it was just posted on the overhead light board; there was no verbal announcement, though they give recorded verbal reminders about such things usually—they’ve been informing us, ever since Labor Day, that the system will be running on a Sunday schedule on Thanksgiving, which is in November, for those of you who don’t know. Labor Day was in the beginning of September.
I only failed to miss my train because I always start getting ready to board five minutes early, and I looked up from my writing to notice that there was no one on my side of the tracks. Only then did I see the notice that trains were all boarding on the other side. I was able to take the elevator up to the bridge, but I had to rush down the stairs on the other side because my train was approaching, and my knees and hips and ankle were miffed about that.
It would have been nice for one of the people who always gets on the same train I get on to have said something to me, rather than just letting me sit there typing on one side of the track by myself. I’d like to think I would have said something to them, were the situation reversed. Maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe it’s an instance of the bystander effect. Maybe it’s one of those rare circumstances in which my reticence to interact with strangers is obvious to everyone, and I seem so unpleasant that no one wants to interact with me even enough to say, “Hey, all the trains are boarding on the other side for some reason…better cross over.”
Better cross over. That’s the best idea I’ve heard today, that’s for sure.
Okay, well, that’s it for today’s disjointed meandering. I hope you’ve found some modicum of joy in it. It would be nice to be able to do at least something positive for the world, even if it’s small. It would be far better than what I usually do.
*Using the particle horizon as the measured “distance across”. **
**Actually, since there are four bases in human DNA (guanine, cytosine, adenine, and thymine), if they were assigned randomly, then even a string of 1000 base pairs has 1.15 x 10602 possible combinations. If memory serves, this is larger than the String Theory landscape, which number is already so vast as to lead many physicists to say it can predict anything and therefore it can predict nothing. And human DNA is on the order of a billion nucleotides long. My computer calculator can’t deal with billionth powers of four, but a billion is a thousand times a thousand times a thousand, so 41000 cubed should be about 101806 unless I’m missing something. The diameter of the visible universe in Planck lengths is only 5 x 1061, which is not even close to the same order of magnitude. Of course, the maximal information within a horizon the size of the visible universe is larger still, but then again, that’s a measure of the maximum entropy possible within that region, so that’s almost a given. I think it’s 210^123 or something along those lines. I may be getting at least some of this wrong.