Well, it’s f*cking Saturday, and I’m going in the to f*cking office to f*cking work, because it’s not challenging enough for me to recover my limited mental equilibrium when I have two days off, so I should try to do it with one as often as possible. Oh, and the one day I supposedly still have to take off is the day I have to do all my laundry, which means I have to go into the other part of the house and, more often than not, deal with their overly energetic and poorly trained dog‒and it’s a big dog.
I’m not afraid of dogs. I like dogs, even very large ones. But I have little sympathy for dogs that have not been trained, and who act like they’re still teething or something. If it were my dog, I could rapidly train it out of the habit of putting its moronic jaws around peoples’ forearms, and it and I and others would be happier overall.
Maybe next time I’ll go out with suntan lotion or even pepper spray all over my arms, so it gets an unpleasant mouthful if it tries.
Honestly, sometimes I’m tempted just to slip it a few chunks of the rat bait/poison that I have. It’s not the neurotoxin one, which is supposedly less harmful to people and pets than to rats. It’s the super-coumadin, blood “thinning”, anticoagulant one. To be honest, though, I would probably not be willing under nearly any circumstance to poison a dog, since the agency of such a creature is limited and its poor behavior is largely due to the humans in its life.
And yes, of course I have a big, multi-pound bag of rat poison. Who knows, I might get peckish at some point and want it as a snack. The holidays are upon us, after all, and it can be so hard to stay on a diet at this time of year.
Anyway, that’s just one possible nosh that I have for potential last meals. I even have a couple of emptied out fiber capsules that I’ve refilled with broken glass pieces. They would actually go nicely with the previously mentioned snack, wouldn’t they? Like salted caramel, the two components could really enhance each other. You might even call it synergy.
Enough about such tempting treats. The point is, I’m going to the office today. Then I’m heading back to the house. Then I’ll be trying to rest if I can for the remainder of the weekend, though when I think of my own mind, I am inescapably reminded of Boromir describing Mordor:

That works pretty well to describe my very annoying brain/body. I cannot seem to sleep very long, and I never feel like I sleep “all the way” if you will. I am always somehow on yellow alert; I don’t know why. It’s exhausting. There are plain few upsides or effective distractions, and almost never any relief.
I don’t even know what I’m writing about right now, really. I just feel a general, free-floating hostility and even hatred for most things in existence. Sometimes I just want to wipe out the whole universe. It can be done rather easily, at least from a certain perspective.
Incidentally, creating a new local source of the hypothetical inflaton field would probably not do the trick, assuming that inflationary cosmology is correct. Most of the mathematical solutions to that possible situation indicate that, such a field would initiate a new, rapid, inflationarily expanding “universe”, but from the perspective of our universe the created bubble would just plop through and out of spacetime. I haven’t done the math myself‒I am not adequately trained to do it at this time‒but I have this from more than one fairly reputable and reliable source, including people who actually do have the necessary expertise.
I’ve previously discussed vacuum collapse; if one could figure out how to trigger that‒assuming it is possible‒one could literally wipe out everything in the current universe. Though, of course, it would take a long time, since it could only happen at the speed of light, so really, you’d only be wiping out everything in your future light cone. There may be no way to destroy the universe that doesn’t effectively take a limitless time to accomplish.
On the other hand, when I spin around, it’s possible to view that action as the universe spinning around me while I’m stationary. There are legitimate reasons why we don’t tend to think of it this way, but it’s a perspective that can be taken.
From that sort of perspective, when one dies (from one’s own point of view at least) the entire universe ceases to exist. It’s very simple and thorough! Of course, if there is an afterlife, that plan would fail, and one would be forced to go back to the drawing board. But I’ve never encountered even borderline intriguing evidence or argument that might indicate an afterlife exists, unless you count things like a Poincare recurrence*.
So there is at least one reasonably reliable and plausibly achievable way to destroy the universe, from my point of view. And the good thing about that is, from other points of view, the universe would still exist, and this would be no more contradictory than the fact that someone falling through the event horizon of a large enough black hole wouldn’t even notice it happening, but those far away would see the faller as never even quite reaching the event horizon.
Anyway, that theoretical stuff isn’t really very interesting for present purposes. What matters is, at the very least, I can destroy the universe in a sense, if I so desire. And every day it seems to become more and more tempting to do so. This world is just so disgusting so often, and it’s not just humans that meet that description.
Ah, well. Try to have a good day if you can for as long as the universe does exist. After that, you’re on your own.
*Or the possibility of quantum immortality in the context of Everettian quantum mechanics. But the various other possible alternate versions of me in such a theoretical quantum multiverse are not “me” even now, from my point of view‒not exactly, anyway, not in any sense that I can experience. So future possible subsets of the wave function of the universe that contain randomly immortal versions of me are not worth taking into account, and they are vanishingly rare**.
**Though I suppose, as time goes by and all mortal things die, the quantum wavefunction of the universe might come to be dominated by such versions of…well, everyone. None, however, would be able to interact with each other as far as I can see.




