Well, it’s been a mixed-auspices start of the first work day of the first full week of the month of December in 2023*.

I arrived at the train station almost exactly on time for the first train of said first day—that was a positive thing—but as the train pulled in, I and all the other people waiting at the station saw that it was arriving on the opposite side from normal.  There had been no announcement of the track side change, so I and all the several other people waiting had to scramble up the stairs, over the bridge and down the other side to get on.  Fortunately, the train did wait a bit, since apparently they realized that the announcement had not been given, but still, it was a bit maddening.

So far, I have no chest pains or other indicators of any cardiac event, though it is taking me a while to catch my breath.  I’m mildly disappointed in that absence of angina, because not only would it represent a potential break for me of some kind or other—temporary or permanent—it would also be only too appropriate for the Tri-Rail to face some consequences of their poor management in changing track boarding sides without informing riders who were waiting.  A lawsuit, in such a circumstances, might not be inappropriate, out of spite if nothing else.

However, I suppose I’ve been relatively protected, since I have done a fair amount of reasonably serious endurance (though not speed) exercise until about three weeks ago, when I got sick.  I’m still quite a bit heavier than I want to be, but at least my cardiovascular fitness isn’t too horrible.  Should I be thankful for that?  Maybe I should regret it.  I don’t know.

I haven’t really slept well at all this weekend, and certainly not last night, but at least I did rest, as far as that goes.  By that I mean that I did nothing that was productive, and almost nothing that required any exertion at all.  I watched the second of the Doctor Who 60^th Anniversary specials, but though it was good, as far as it went, I wasn’t as moved or interested as I thought I would be.  I fear that the huge time gap since the last special—The Power of the Doctor—was just too much, and I rather lost my momentum for the show.

It’s disappointing, but it’s not unique.  I’ve lost my momentum for pretty much everything lately.  I don’t play or even listen to music, anymore.  I don’t write fiction.  I don’t watch any new shows or movies.  I’m even getting sick of reading.  I haven’t read anything at all since Friday evening, fiction or non-fiction.  I didn’t watch any football games or golf yesterday (or Saturday) which I have been known to do if the urge strikes me.  It didn’t strike this weekend.

Hanukkah is coming up this Thursday night, and I’ll send my kids each a rather unimaginative present, since I don’t really have a good idea what to give them specifically that they would want, other than things I’ve already gotten them.  I don’t really know what they like or like to do.  I don’t really know my own kids, anymore.

Mind you, I don’t really know anyone else, either.  I don’t even know if I know myself.  And, I guess, if you don’t know whether or not you know yourself, then it’s pretty clear that you don’t actually know yourself, because if you knew yourself, presumably, one of the things you would know is whether or not you know yourself.

Something like that, anyway.  Possibly I’m wrong.

I don’t really have much else to say today that I haven’t said a million times.  I’m still in the process of crashing and burning; it’s just happening slowly, like something that’s been filmed by an ultra-high-frame-rate camera, so when you play it back, it looks like barely anything is happening.  But it is happening.  In the end, I’m sure it will be possible to “play it back” at full speed, and you’ll make out clearly the whole sweep of the event.

But no one is watching for that right now.  No one really cares, and I’m afraid that I can’t blame them.  What use am I to the world and what cost would it be for the world to lose me?  “Vanishingly little” is the proper answer to both questions.  Indeed, I’m probably more of a net detriment while I’m around, so the loss of me would probably be to the world’s gain.

I guess I’ll never know, myself, but maybe some of you will know, eventually.  I wish I could find out for sure.  I imagine it would make certain decisions easier.  Then again, maybe it wouldn’t help at all.

Oh, well, that’s enough for today.  Have a good day and a good week, everyone.

*Hereinafter I’ll just assume you know I mean CE or AD when referring to the year, and will only put an acronym—if that’s the proper term—after the year if it is other than that era.