Hello and good morning.

[Insert some random nonsense that suits your fancy here, possibly regurgitating the idiocy of previous posts, as I usually do.  Knock yourself out.  It couldn’t be worse than anything I could do.]

TTFN

“The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.”

The office is closed today, so there will be no post, other than this.

*Apart from this brief notice, of course.

I don’t think I can go on much longer

Hello all and good morning.  I’m going to be thoroughly brief:. I’m at the house, lying down and trying to rest today, because my back and legs and feet are killing me.  There was flooding all around the area last night and at various times just walking to (and then from) the bus, I had to navigate* though regions newly dominated by water that was ankle deep and deeper.  I took many odd steps and my balance was often awkward.  Probably the air pressure and humidity and all that aren’t helping, but that’s more speculative.

Anyway, that’s what’s happening.  I’m alive, for better or worse, so you don’t need to be worried**.  Hopefully the resting will help and by tomorrow I’ll be better able to move and will write a better post.

TTFN

*Almost using the original meaning of that word.

**Or my condolences, as the case may be.

Monday, Monday.

I cannot agree that, as the song by the Mamas and the Papas begins, it is so good to me, but I’ve heard that its child is fair of face and has just learned to tie its boot lace.  See how they run!

I have not been running in a long while, except for a few occasional paces when I’ve mistimed a traffic light and want to get across the street before the light changes.  But I have been walking a lot.  I walked back to the house from the train station on Saturday as I had on Friday, and there was no sign whatsoever of the bus that was supposed to have come, nor frankly the subsequent bus.

It was good exercise, though, and I’m pleased to report that I had no blistering nor unusual ankle soreness on Saturday evening or yesterday, so my body is adapting to the walking.  That’s a pleasant thing.  It doesn’t seem to be having any positive impact on my mood disorder(s), contrary to hopes and recommendations, but there’s no treatment that works in absolutely every case.

On an utterly unrelated note, I’ve noticed that, on my phone’s keyboard, if I hold a letter down, it lets me type what is usually a Greek letter using that key.  For instance, ß.  That was the “s” key held down.  If I press the “o” key*, I’m given several options, including ø and ó and ö as well as ōthers.  That’s kind of cool.

Now if only the auto-correct could stop adding apostrophes to “its”, then I would be quite grateful.  It’s mortifying to think that I might have published a post with “it’s” when it should be “its” because I didn’t catch one of the occasions when the program wrongly replaced my correct lack of punctuation.

I suppose it’s not really important.

Yesterday was a particularly dreary day for most of the day.  It was raining out, and I did my laundry in the morning.  I did speak on the phone to my sister in the evening, and that was quite nice, but otherwise I just lolled around doing nothing but watching random YouTube videos or similar, many of which I’ve already watched before.

YouTube seems to be having a harder and harder time finding videos that interest me.  I don’t know if the algorithm has changed or what, but when I go to the main screen and it shows me the layout of recommended videos, the vast majority are just not worth checking out.

Possibly the problem is with me more than with the algorithm.  Probably.  Almost certainly.  I’ve lost interest in more and more things as time has passed, especially very recently.  I’ve already mentioned how I can hardly even find any interest in reading books that I ought to enjoy, even books that I have often reread and enjoyed every time.

New movies and shows are almost completely uninteresting, and old movies and shows are mainly boring or bring back melancholy memories.  The only new thing that I’ve really become interested in is Doctor Who, but I’ve watched every episode already, repeatedly.  The next new episodes‒three specials‒don’t air until November, in honor of the 60th anniversary of the show.

I appreciate their sense of ceremony and remembrance, but I don’t think I’m going to survive even close to that long.  Facing the nine months between now and then feels like facing a lifetime sentence in a sensory deprivation tank, or perhaps a trip through Stephen King’s “jaunt”, from the short story by that name, without anaesthetic.

How long would one need to be in total sensory deprivation before it no longer mattered how much longer it would be, because the subjective experience of time would utterly come loose from any objective sense, and all of one’s reality would become like dream time?  After that happened, could it really matter if the remaining time was long or short?  I don’t know.  I don’t think anyone knows.  And finding out would be difficult and risky, especially for someone whose mental health is tenuous at best.

I wish I could stop trying to pretend to be pleasant or happy or upbeat or whatever it is people want.  There are people out there who always ask, “How are you?” or “How are you doing?” or similar questions, and it’s rude and inappropriate to reply, “I hate my life and wish I could work up the courage to kill myself,” so I often just sort of freeze up and shrug and don’t know what to say.  It’s fairly maddening.

I would like to scream and shriek and howl, and I feel as though it must be obvious how horrible I feel most of the time, every day, but weirdly, no one seems to notice.  I don’t understand.  No wonder I don’t “identify” as human.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through another week.  I don’t know why I’m going to get through another week.  Sooner or later‒knowing me, probably later, unfortunately‒I’m not going to get through another week.  I would say that it will probably happen without warning, but I’ve given plenty of warning.  Let’s just say that, as with most catastrophic failures of structures and systems, the buildup and the deteriorations are long and the evidence is there, but the final collapse is likely to be sudden and startling and to seem to come from nowhere.  I doubt it will even be very interesting.

I don’t think there’s much that I can do about that, though.  It’s all but out of my hands.

*Not to be confused with the “doe” key, though they are often pressed one right after the other.

I thought I would just quickly get on to let you all know that I am staying at the house, sick today, and will not be doing my usual Thursday blog.  I hope you all feel better than I do (though I suspect my cousin, Lance, does not feel better.  So for those of you who are well:. Good.  Please try to stay that way.  For the others, please take good care of yourselves and get better soon.

TTFN

Hello and good morning.  It’s Thursday again, so it’s time for my usual, longstanding, weekly blog post, though of course I’ve been posting every weekday for the last several weeks.  I’m not sure exactly how many weeks it is; if anyone has been paying attention, please let me know.

It is also September 1, 2022 A.D., the beginning of a new month, which, to paraphrase The Who, will probably be the same as the old month.  This coming Monday is Labor Day in the United States, but that won’t mean much to me; as I think I mentioned earlier this week, we almost always work at least part of the day on holidays like Labor Day or Memorial Day and other similar minor holidays at my office.

I’m on the earlier train again today, but that’s at least partly because it was running a bit late.  It’s also on the other side of the tracks from its usual place.  I guess either there’s some problem on the regular side, or they’re doing some maintenance or whatever.  It doesn’t make a lot of difference to me, though it does make things a bit confusing for people getting on the train.

Remember I mentioned that my sister had a bit of a fall the day before yesterday?  Well, she’s doing just fine, which is very good news.  However, yesterday, apparently, the other person in my office with whom I share responsibilities injured his back in some rather severe way, and he’s in the hospital.  As someone with a chronic back injury, myself, I sympathize.  He’s got a new baby daughter, too, and picking her up a lot is likely contributory to how his back got hurt.  I don’t look forward to the fact that now I’m going to be doing more work than usual at the office, however.  Also, one of the other people who does a lot is going on a vacation for about two weeks, apparently.

I’m pretty sure the last time I took time off work was when my mother died.  That’s mainly because I don’t have anything that I would think of to do during a vacation.  I can’t see myself traveling anywhere; I don’t think I could really face the prospect of getting on a plane or train or Greyhound bus or anything.  I can’t see anyone enjoying having me visit them, either.  There are probably people who think they would like me to come visit, but I can guarantee, I’m not pleasant to be around.  I ought to know.  Anyway, I’m not good at not working, really.

I didn’t play guitar yesterday, by the way.  I looked at it out of the corner of my eye several times—it sits there right next to my desk in the office.  But I didn’t even so much as touch it, which is a shame.  It’s a nice guitar.  Well, someday soon my ex-housemate can have it back, and either keep and play it (and my other guitars) or sell them and use the money to get something for his daughter or whatever.  Then he’ll have been able to sell them twice, which is a pretty good deal for him.  Hopefully he’ll put it all to good use.

I also haven’t written anything lately, other than this blog.  In other words, I haven’t written any fiction; regrettably, this blog is not fictional.  I don’t really miss writing fiction, honestly, or at least I don’t admit to missing it.  Maybe that’s a defense mechanism, I don’t know.  But I definitely don’t have the will or drive to write any.

I thought about, once again, seeing if writing with pen on paper would stimulate me to do some fiction, especially after having seen a mention of an author who does that on a British comedy panel show I was watching on YouTube, but as longtime readers will know, I’ve tried that.  I don’t think it would make me feel any more prone to write any new fiction than anything else would, and obviously, I’m comfortable and natural writing on my little laptop computer, as I am now.

That’s about it, really.  Nothing else to see here.  Keep moving, keep moving, don’t stop and gape.  There’s nothing anyone can do, so it’s best just to let the poor critter be and let it pass on in peace.  You can say a few words in remembrance or whatever after that.  Someone will no doubt come and clean it up and dispose of the remains when the time comes.  Don’t want to leave them around; they can be vectors for diseases.

I hope all of you have a very good remainder of your week and a lovely Labor Day weekend, if you’re here in the United States.  If you’re not, well, why not still have a very nice weekend?  Heck, take off Monday anyway, I won’t hold it against you.  Spend as much time with your friends and family as you can, please.  That’s about the most rewarding thing you can hope to do in this world, after all, and I understand that it’s pretty darn good.

“Run fast.  Laugh hard.  Be kind.”

TTFN