Hello and good morning.

It’s Thursday again, and as I warned you would happen, I am writing this blog post on my laptop computer.  You have no one to blame but yourself if you’re reading it in spite of that fact.

I had a terrible night’s sleep last night, and I feel absolutely wiped out this morning.  It’s not that I couldn’t fall asleep.  Indeed, I fell asleep several times throughout the night.  But, of course, one is really only supposed to fall asleep the one time at night, and then wake up the one time in the morning, at least under ideal circumstances.

I know that many, perhaps most, people often have some interruptions to their sleep; it’s not unusual for bathroom trips to be required at some point.  But this was a deeply fragmented night, even by my standards, and I’m utterly exhausted.  I’m sure I’ve said that before, possibly more often than not.

At least this morning there is a slight breeze, with occasional accelerations to being a noticeable wind, and that’s pleasant while I’m sitting at the train station.  I did not walk to the train this morning, because, again, I’m trying not to overdo things in the short term.  It would have been a comparatively pleasant morning on which to walk, though.

Still, yesterday I did just over eight miles total, so it’s not too bad for there to be a brief respite.

One of the issues with my sleep last night was that one of my house-sharers’ dogs started barking incessantly at around midnight or so.  I had succumbed to the blandishments of Amazon Day or whatever the special thing was yesterday, and had ordered several items that I was considering ordering anyway.  Most were due to arrive Friday or so, but there were a few things—allergy meds and the like—that were due to arrive “same day”, yesterday, in the evening, which was handy but not essential.

They were to have arrived by 10, but as that time approached and they had not been delivered (according to Amazon’s site) I decided it wasn’t worth it to wait up for them.  I had taken half a Benadryl to try at least to help me get to sleep, which it seemed to do.

So, when I woke up, maybe two hours later, I thought perhaps the package had just been delivered, and the dog was barking at the delivery person.  Alas, it was not so.  In fact, the Amazon site indicated that this delivery was running late, and would now be arriving sometime today before 10pm, even though it had been listed as “out for delivery” since 4pm yesterday.  I don’t know how it went from “out for delivery” to “now arriving today by 10pm”, but it’s terribly irritating, since they are the ones who offered the fast delivery.  It’s not as though I cajoled or pressured them into saying they would do it.

Anyway, I decided to go out and make sure the Amazon report was correct; sometimes they are not.  Also, there was the bare possibility that some human or other kind of animal was puttering around in front of the house.  I almost hoped that was the case.  I grabbed my stainless steel baseball bat from among the four or so weapons I keep by my side when I sleep, donned the slip-on shoes that I use for going outside on short notice, and headed out.

I inadvertently scared a tiny and cute opossum away from the cat food I put out for the two remaining cats (who were just milling about, unconcerned about the interloper, so I wasn’t worried either), and I walked around to the front of the house.  There was no sign of the Amazon package, nor was there anyone on whom to practice my swing with the baseball bat, so it was a mostly fruitless trip.  At least it seemed that the dog was able to see me, and it started barking harder as I turned and walked back toward the rear of the house.

As I went, I heard, inside, the neighbor getting up and yelling at the dog to shut up, so there’s at least some compensation.  They need to train their dogs, if they’re going to keep them.  The dogs are nice, but they have almost no discipline.  So, it’s right that the dogs’ owner(s) should be awakened at night by the fruits of their lack of labor.

Anyway, I got back to my room and was generally very irritated.  If Amazon had said from the start that the few items in my now-late order were to arrive today, I would have been fine with it.  But they offered, without me asking, to deliver them the same day—if one ordered $25 or more worth, anyway—so I did order that much, and now it’s late.  Out of frustration, I cancelled all the other, unshipped things in my upcoming order.  It was not a small order.  I almost just canceled my Amazon Prime membership, but I’m not quite at that stage, yet.  For now, it’s still useful.  But it won’t be useful, to me or to anyone else, much longer—at least I hope not.

Of course, that wasn’t the only interruption in my sleep, but it was a big one, and it put me in a grumpier mood than I would have been in otherwise—if you can believe such a thing is possible!  So now, in the morning, at the station, I feel as if my very mind and soul are tattered shreds of cobweb, riddled with dust, flecked with tiny flakes of old, decaying paint and gnats that were never eaten by any spider but had simply become trapped and slowly died there.

Something like that.

I also have a bit of a belly ache, and I’m not just speaking figuratively.  I wish I didn’t have to go in and work today, but I’m not sure that my coworker will be back, though he’s supposed to be.  People are unreliable, so obviously, I cannot rely upon his return.

I almost wish I could believe that my abdomen would develop some kind of deadly process that would kill me or at least hospitalize me today, but given how unpleasant abdominal pain tends to be, I suppose I don’t really want that.  Still, it would be nice to have something happen that would take this all away from me, since I’m too strongly conditioned to be able just to quit everything on my own, for my own sake…at least, so far.

Eventually, I’ll reach my limit, no doubt.  I hope to do so very soon.  I was on the verge of it two or so weeks ago, when my coworker’s vacation plans came to light and then changed, and I had to postpone things or else make the occurrence of my quietus something that caused more disruption than I was willing to tolerate at the time.

Perhaps I’m making excuses.

Anyway, I’m tired beyond easy belief, and I’m tired of dealing with and doing all this bullshit.  I need to go.  At the very least, I need to go to sleep, and just be able not to keep waking up over and over and over all the time.  I need to escape.

I don’t like my chances.

Anyway, I hope you all had a better night than I had.  That would at least be some consolation for me.  And I hope you all have a very good day.

TTFN